During a reading, when I’m being shown a challenge occurring in my client’s life, I let the “scene” play out until I’m shown a resolution. It’s rare when a full resolution isn’t shown to me, and in those cases, I’m guided to share tools that will help my client work toward an expansive, resonant and peaceful resolution.
Recently, I was shown a similar challenge occurring in several different clients’ lives. Each client had at least one adult child from whom they were estranged. Based on their recount of their child’s behavior, it was more than understandable why they felt the need to distance themselves from their child. The pain ran deep in each client, and though guidance came through that gave them a different perspective on the situation that helped them be more at peace with it, my innate desire for every story to have a happy ending left me longing for a deeper resolution.
Once I recognized this was a pattern, something being experienced by more than one client, I felt the need to go into meditation about it – to go deeper into why we draw that line in the sand with those we love the most and what it would take to soften into compromise.
So I set aside some time to meditate, became still and recalled the images and feelings that arose around each client’s situation – the decisive move to cut their children off from communication, from major events that occurred in their lives like marriages and moves, from their will – which in some cases, dictated that their children not be informed of their passing.
Questions started to roll in – “Are they making the healthy choice of cutting ‘toxic people’ out of their lives? Or are they just being stubborn? Are there aspects of this situation they can take more responsibility for so that their relationship with their child can be salvaged? Would their child be willing to take responsibility for their behavior in order to bring harmony to the relationship? Can they or would they compromise? If so, where is that middle ground?”
My awareness began to expand into a broader context – today’s politics to be specific – and where I’ve drawn a line in the sand with those who have a different view from mine. And how, in many observable cases, both sides would rather shut down communication than to budge on their point of view. My mind began to spin, my own triggers began firing and I realized I was no closer to finding a deeper resolution that would bring parent and child back into harmony.
It was being reflected everywhere – this line in the sand.
I took some deep breaths, relaxed further and dove deeper so I could get to the root of the conflict. Another question then arose… “What do people tend to want most?” – To be loved.
The definition of “being loved” varies from person to person. Many believe, in order to be loved, they have to be “better than” everyone else and to always be right. If they’re the smartest, strongest, richest and most successful, then surely everyone will love them because to be loved is to be respected, honored, adored, obeyed, thought of as the most intelligent, the strongest, the best, the most altruistic, etc.
This is mind-based, finite and highly conditional love that brings life to a stagnating halt. It is not heart-based unconditional love, higher-vibrational love, expansive, relaxing, accepting, beautiful, life-affirming and evolving love.
It occurred to me that what is required to help these relationships come into harmony is to help them change their definition of love – of what it means to be loved – and to love – and to take them deep within themselves where they can access that exact kind of love within. When people access or are exposed to – and cultivate – unconditional love within themselves, the rigidity of their points of view fall away, other aspects of their life become more important and life becomes more vibrant, dynamic and harmonious.
The answer is in the feels.
If you’ve drawn a line in the sand in some area of your life and it still feels like a full resolution to the conflict hasn’t occurred because you keep thinking about it and still feel upset by it – it hasn’t resulted in a peaceful, resonant calm and acceptance or a sense of completion within you – then I invite you to try this brief exercise…
Right now, take a moment to access your resource of unconditional love inside you…
- Pull up a memory of when you felt the most love – when a child of yours was first born and you held her or him for the first time, when you hold or love on a pet, when you bought that new amazing car or house or blouse, when you got that promotion, when you won at the slot machine or poker table – that moment when you felt affirmed and your heart felt excitement or peace and love. Sit in that a moment.
- Now think about a current situation in your life where you have drawn that line in the sand.
- Without hesitating, allow that loving feeling to encompass whoever or whatever stands on the other side of that line. You are not empowering them in their stance, you’re not rooting for the other side, you’re simply adding another vibrational dimension to the situation, one that is going to uplift you both to higher ground where a true resolution can be found.
- Feel whatever arises, let it wash through you. Pay attention to any new insights into the situation, or into the people involved in the situation. Allow compassion and understanding to ease into your awareness – of both yourself and the other. Continue to breathe, relax and feel.
You may not need to do anything more with your line in the sand. It may be what is necessary to keep in place for your highest health and well-being going forward. You may feel like you have a new perspective and feel comfortable re-opening the lines of communication, albeit slowly and thoughtfully. You may be inspired to organize a major surprise party or visit laden with apologies, gifts and love. It may be a step by step process. You may want to revisit this exercise and take yourself deeper and deeper until you find that resolution, acceptance, compassion and potential next steps.
It truly doesn’t matter what comes next, as long as you have found a true and peaceful resolution to the conflict within you and that your action – or non-action – is authentically rooted in your unconditional love.
Thank you for sharing your journey with me and for allowing me to share mine with you. <3