I have had some extremely supportive friends show up for me over the last year – one of the most challenging, almost surreal years I’ve ever experienced. I lost my sister. I lost a job and a community that was fairly integrated into the totality of who I was. I moved back home. I lost my cousin. Most recently, I lost my Mother and then two weeks later, my 16 year old kitty Luna – whose brother Sunshine passed two years ago. Through it all, however, some amazing people stepped up and stepped in to help me through the worst part of my grief.
One friend sent me a fruit basket and called me everyday for about two weeks after my Mother passed. One friend bought me a whole spa day and sends encouraging texts. Another friend sends me beautiful Canadian sunsets and sunrises, beautiful nature images and reminders of how I’ve helped to uplift him and his family in the past, reminding me of my gifts. One pair of friends have buoyed me beyond measure with rewarding work and a place to show up and share my gifts, and so many others as well.
But even with their caring support, most days I found, it was hard to function in the way I’m used to functioning, in the way I want to function – getting a lot done, feeling good about what I created or accomplished or reflecting on how I helped someone or a group of someones at the end of the day. And, though they were very supportive, very helpful, it’s truly not my friends’ responsibility to keep me afloat. I don’t think we’re meant to do everything by ourselves, that we’re meant to bear the greatest pains alone in a room with only four walls and an avalanche of memories and sorrow to keep us company, but my friends have a life too. My friends go through stuff too.
So on a particularly cool day about a month ago, I managed to get myself outside for a walk and for some fresh air. I was contemplating how grateful I was for how my friends had been showing up but feeling the need to do more for myself in that regard – practice picking myself up out of the grief instead of relying on the next call, text or email. Thankfully, as it always does when I’m walking, a moment of inspiration lit up my heart and all of a sudden, it felt like all of the different pieces of my passions and inspirations that have been floating around me, within reach, but disassembled and vying for attention through my grief, fell into place.
First, I realized that part of what’s been holding me back from contributing more, putting more energy into my health and well being and my work, was the lack of a greater “Why.” I know I always do more, be more, am more when I’m in service, when I’m giving to something or someone outside of me, when I feel like I’m a part of something greater. I know my work itself is a form of service but for some reason it wasn’t enough to keep me moving forward in a way that worked.
As I continued to walk, I flashed back to when I was in the best physical shape of my adult life – which was several years ago when I participated in a charity 3-day walk. I had to train for months and build up my stamina and strength and I was the most committed to my health I’ve ever been. I had a purpose, a reason to do it beyond just feeling better.
In that moment of inspiration, it occurred to me that the solution would be to sign up for another long-distance charity walk and start training again. It also occurred to me that if I tithe 10% of my own earnings to the fundraising portion of the walk, adding to any donations that come in, I will have that greater why, something to inspire me to promote myself more, show up more, be available for more people – if I know that part of what is coming in will go to supporting a good cause.
I am so grateful for the friends who have so beautifully shown up for me over the last year and I am so grateful for the level of excitement bubbling in me again for my own work while serving a greater purpose.
If you’d like to support me in this endeavor, you can email me at AngelaSparksEmpath@gmail.com and schedule a reading or register for an upcoming class as 10% of both will be donated to the charity hosting the walk.
If you’d like to take a more direct approach and find out more about the cause itself and more information about why I chose this particular charity, you can CLICK HERE to access my official fundraising page on the charity’s website.
Thank you so much for your support. <3